Wednesday, May 31, 2006

A PEEK INTO SCHUMI'S DIARY - MONACO

Hello tifosis. I had a bit of a strange weekend, I can tell you. So far I have not revealed the true reason of what is happening to me in Rascasse on Saturday, but quite honestly and obviously I would like to get it all over my chest.

To start with, I'd like to thank the Ferrari pitcrew for going on the Planet-F1 poll and voting "No it was a complete accident." For the last two days.

Because this is truly what it was. I know many people have said many nasty things about what I did, but it is true. Keke Rosberg said it was the cheapest dirtiest trick, but what does he know about F1. When he was World Champion in 1982 he won it with only seven points, and three of those he got by converting Air Miles. Jarno Trulli said if he was parking the car he could do it better, well maybe that's what he'll be doing for a living after this season. Jacques Villeneuve said it was the most embarrassing thing he's ever seen. Well, he clearly hasn't seen Ron Dennis dance!!

I challenged all the critics and said they should come up and tell me I'm a cheat to my face. All they have to do is get through the tight security around the outside of the Ferrari motorhome, fill in a "Schumi-you're-a-cheat" accreditation form and wait to hear back from Don Corleone (the latest one). Then we shall see, eh, eh!!

Anyway, back to what happened on my second hot lap ...

It all started on the Friday, our day off. As you know in Monaco we practise on Thursdays and take Friday off, because it is traditional in Monaco that nobody works on Friday because nobody has to do very much except scratch their arses and buy stuff. Anyway, we had a hard promotional day and at the end of it, Luca, Chris, Ross and I decided to do what the old F1 drivers used to do in the swinging 1960s - pay a visit to the Tip Top club. So, we got there and I had a couple of ginger beers while Ross helped Luca, who was still there chasing dolly birds on his Motability scooter.

I'm not used to the fizzy bubbles and all of a sudden I was going dizzy and only remember waking up in this hotel room in my underpants and there is this blonde model with enormous gazongas absolutely stark naked. The kind of girl Kimi Raikkonen can't pull at a pole dancing club. And she was walking towards me saying: "Schumi, you have been very bad, I will have to tie you up now." I can remember blurting out, "No, no, I tipped the waiter 20 euros, that is enough." At which point Chris Dyer my engineer comes in and rescues me before she can take a video for F1 Racing Magazine or BBC or CNN ...

Now, you know your Schumi. On the Saturday I was totally focused on the job in my hands and I have already secured the pole position. For the second run, was travelling at speed towards the Rascasse when suddenly I get to the hairpin and look up. There, on the balcony, is the blonde with the enormous norks waving her mobile phone at me and dressed in nothing but earrings and a big smile.

The shock is so great that I stamp on the brake pedal and lock the brakes, (as you have seen on TV) then my mind goes blank and all of a sudden I have wandered towards the wall like Yuji Ide on one of his better laps. I stagger out of the car and everybody is shouting, "You parked the car, you cheat," while I was secretly thinking "I hope the blonde with the enormous norks hasn't got any photos". So when people ask me what happened, I can hardly tell them about my hotel romp ... hence all the trouble!!

Thankfully I am lucky to have the support of some understanding tifosis like you, who know I am not just fabricating an elaborate cover story because secretly I was actually cheating, which quite honestly and obviously I wasn't.

6 Comments:

Blogger Sunny said...

Muhahahaha [:D]

Maybe you have something to send to F1 Racing Magazine now [:P]

2:52 PM  
Blogger sandeep said...

poor poor schumi

7:34 AM  
Blogger Souvik said...

@ sunny & sandy: lol!! :)

12:39 PM  
Blogger Psycho McCrazy said...

where da hell didya get this story??????

12:21 PM  
Blogger Souvik said...

@ psycho - i hav my sources [:D] ... i guess some people hav fitful imagination !! he he

1:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

AWSSUM

12:12 PM  

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